Ever Feel Like You're Losing Yourself? How to Find Your Way Back

Lately, I've found myself asking a question that feels uncomfortable to admit out loud:

Where is Loren?

Not Mum. Not partner. Not business owner. Not writer. Not the person juggling work deadlines, household responsibilities, school schedules, and everything else that comes with daily life.

Just... Loren.

It's a question that has surfaced before, but recently it's become harder to ignore.

Like many families, we have a lot going on. In truth, we've always had a lot going on. There is usually a challenge to navigate, a project to manage, a family commitment to organise, a business decision to make, or simply the everyday chaos that comes with raising children and building a life.

Sometimes I look around and think that "normal" must be a household where everything runs smoothly. Then I remember that smooth running is often more of an aspiration than a reality.

And while I genuinely love my life, my family, my work and the opportunities I have created, there has been a persistent feeling sitting quietly in the background.

A feeling that somewhere along the way, I have become so focused on being everything for everyone else that I've lost touch with parts of myself.

The interesting thing is that recently I've actually taken positive steps.

I've returned to writing, something that has always felt like home to me.

I've been fortunate enough to work with some wonderful clients who genuinely inspire me to keep doing what I am doing.

I've spent time reconnecting with my own core values (Freedom, Creativity, Ocean, Learning) and understanding what truly matters to me, rather than simply moving from one task to the next, which is too easy to do.

All of those things have helped enormously.

Yet despite that, the question remains.

Where is Loren?

Because while I am grateful for every role I play, I know I am more than those roles alone.

Why So Many of Us Feel This Way

Whether you're a parent, a partner, a business owner, an employee, a carer, or all of the above, it's incredibly easy to become defined by what you do rather than who you are.

Our identities slowly become attached to our responsibilities.

We introduce ourselves through our roles.

We prioritise everyone else's needs.

We tell ourselves we'll focus on ourselves when life calms down.

The problem is that life rarely calms down.

There is always something.

Another school event. Another work deadline. Another family responsibility. Another challenge waiting around the corner.

And before we know it, years have passed and we've become disconnected from the person underneath it all.

The Difference Between Being Busy and Being Connected

For a long time, I thought that if I could just carve out a little more time for myself, I'd feel like me again.

And while self-care absolutely matters, I've realised this isn't just about finding more time.

It's about connection.

It's about understanding who you are when all the labels are removed.

What lights you up?

What excites you?

What dreams have been quietly waiting in the background?

What parts of yourself have been placed on hold while you take care of everyone else?

Those questions aren't always easy to answer.

In fact, many of us have spent so long meeting other people's needs that we've stopped asking ourselves what we need.

Finding Yourself Again Isn't About Starting Over

One thing I've come to realise is that finding yourself isn't about reinventing yourself.

It's about reconnecting.

It's about remembering.

It's about giving yourself permission to explore the parts of you that may have been neglected.

For me, writing has been one of those pieces.

For someone else, it might be painting, running, travelling, reading, music, gardening, learning something new, or simply spending time alone without feeling guilty about it.

The answer will look different for everyone.

Small Steps Matter

If you're reading this and feeling the same way, know that you don't need to have all the answers today.

You don't need to quit your job, book a solo retreat, or completely change your life.

Sometimes the journey back to yourself starts with much smaller questions:

What do I enjoy?

What gives me energy?

What have I stopped doing that I once loved?

What would I do if nobody expected anything from me today?

What makes me feel most like myself?

The answers may surprise you.

More Than the Roles We Play

As women, mothers, partners and professionals, we often carry so much.

We become organisers, problem-solvers, nurturers, supporters, cheerleaders and caregivers.

Those roles are important.

But they are not our entire identity.

I'm still exploring what this means for me.

I'm still trying to answer that question.

Where is Loren?

Perhaps the answer isn't that she's disappeared at all.

Perhaps she's simply been buried beneath responsibilities, expectations and endless to-do lists for a while.

And perhaps the real work isn't finding a new version of ourselves.

Perhaps it's gently uncovering the person who has been there all along.

If you've been feeling lost lately, maybe that's your reminder too.

You are more than your job title.

You are more than your relationship status.

You are more than being somebody's mum.

The person you were before all those roles still exists.

The challenge is giving yourself permission to meet them again.